The Joys of Quitting

It’s been many months since I last talked about what I’m working on now. As of Friday, the answer is, “Nothing!” and strangely, I find myself really wanting to talk about that. Much more so, in fact, than the project I’ve been struggling with for the past four months, which should tell you something about how exciting I found that project.

We live in a society in which “Quitter!” is considered a great insult. And there’s good reason for this, because any goal worth achieving takes hard word and dedication. The trouble is, sometimes quitting isn’t about something being too hard — it’s about being on the wrong path. Which tells me that we really need a new word, to describe the two distinctly different types of quitting.

I’ve been on the wrong path. About four or five months ago, I came up with a concept for a new novel that wasn’t awful. It might have been easier if it were. I would even say that I would read the book, if someone else wrote it. I’m just not the one who should write it. At least, not now. My heart isn’t in it.

So, I find myself in a strange situation. I am fully, completely, and unreservedly in between projects. I have no idea what I’m going to work on next. I have no set goals for next month. I don’t know if I’ll finish a book by the end of the year (which is what I hoped to do at the beginning of the year).

Oddly enough, I feel at peace. As of today, I began a new daily journal, which I’m calling my “Book of Mirrors.” It’s a stream of consciousness mess that I doubt I could even make sense of if I read it later on, but it’s helping me examine my inner self.

I’m also working through “The Artist’s Way” once again, skimming through the early weeks because they aren’t particularly applicable to me right now.

The last idea that truly excited me, Cassie Scot, came to me while I was busy doing other things. I wasn’t thinking about writing. Actually, I was on the floor playing with my baby. (Who is now 3!) Earlier this year, when I wanted to tackle a new project, I didn’t let the winds of fate steer me. I did extensive brainstorming, each day trying to seek the next great idea.

Clearly, it didn’t work. I have a working theory on why, too: Brainstorming is a highly internal process, unconnected to the world or the simple joy of living. True creativity, meanwhile, doesn’t make something out of nothing — it makes something out of something. The raw elements are all around us, if we’ll allow ourselves a moment to truly be a part of it all.

After that, creativity requires some faith. Not necessarily in religion, although that can help some people, but in the creative process, and in ourselves. It’s a form of surrender…to God, to the universe, to life, and to possibility.

It’s not easy, especially for someone like me, who always wants to be in control, but at the moment it feels right.

Posted in My Writing, Work in Progress.

2 Comments

  1. I like to paraphrase an ancient standard: “I write, therefore I am.” As hard as it is to imagine not writing, I’ve experienced long swaths in my life in which I did just that. ?? Or didn’t do…. I’ve found having a team of like-minded authors at my back most helpful. Sometimes, those little “pushes” are just plain annoying. Yet occasionally, they’re just the medicine I needed.

  2. I know what you mean!

    I suspect that this phase of not writing will not last long, just knowing myself. I once made it a goal to stop writing for a year to give myself time to reflect and decide if that’s what I truly wanted to do. After three months, I couldn’t stand it anymore, which seemed like answer enough. 🙂

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