As I’m sure you can tell from my reviews of certain genre romance, I don’t have an inherent problem with sex in a story. I’m not someone who thinks it’s too personal or private to read about in a fiction story, and in fact, when it is well told, I enjoy the culmination of love. It’s natural.
The real trouble is in defining what separates a well-told scene from the other kinds. Oddly enough, I think the scene itself is rarely responsible for its own effectiveness. A good sex scene can be told in such a way that it’s barely even there, more tone and feeling than action. Or it can be detailed, erotic, and even educational. Or anywhere in between. All of that is a matter for the author’s personal comfort level, and I’ve read well-told scenes that fall all along that range.
What truly makes a scene good is the growing relationship, up to that point. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — that which brings them together vs that which keeps them apart — therein lies the conflict and the emotion of a romance. When those elements are working, then the sex scene becomes more than the pornography some dismiss it as, it becomes a crucial moment for the hero and heroine. Wherever they are along their story arc, if I’m feeling that pang of hope and fear, then the only way a sex scene can truly be bad is if it is *missing*.
Look, this isn’t an idle moment. Sex changes everything in a relationship. Yes, I know — and completely agree — that romantic love requires more than lust/physical attraction. Some of the absolute worst sex scenes come with “that which brings them together” is nothing more than some kind of panting animal magnetism, or what I like to call OVERWHELMING LUST. There’s no depth. There’s no foundation.
But let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that the relationship involves mental/emotional/spiritual connections as well as physical attraction. Acting on that physical attraction…when, how, why…it matters. Sex is real risk, and I don’t just mean of pregnancy or disease. (Let’s face it, in a romance novel disease just doesn’t happen. Even pregnancy only happens if it’s convenient for the plot, although it is a risk, and it drives me nuts when it goes unacknowledged as one.) No, the big risk is heartbreak. The act itself sensitizes people, heightens their emotions.
I sometimes think writers look at the idea of a sex scene all wrong, wondering whether or not they should put it in their story. Well…do the characters have sex and if so, does it matter? I certainly don’t think you should just throw a scene in for the heck of it, even in a romance story. I’ve read a handful of romance novels in which the action is over, the characters fell in love and got married, and then in the last chapter (or even an epilogue) we get to the sex scene. At that point, it’s like…um, why did you do that? What is this adding to your story? The conflict is over, and this adds nothing.
And there’s the question. What is it adding to your story? If it’s a transforming moment, then don’t worry about the mechanics of it all (unless you want to), just the transformation.