Names are a strange thing. They carry within them the power of self-identity, even though this is something they were probably never supposed to do. Who are you? You’ll probably answer with your name. Who am I? Christine.
For those of you who remember Babylon 5, you may recall a scene in which Delenn is “tested” by a representative of the Vorlons. They ask, “Who are you?” and she gives her name. She is punished, because that doesn’t answer the question, so next she tries her title, her occupation, her parentage…none of it is the answer to the question.
No more is Christine truly the answer to who I am, but it’s all I have.
As the name is tied integrally to my self identity, I have real trouble when people try to call me something else. The least offensive is Christina, as it is usually a matter of mis-hearing or mis-remembering. Christina, after all, is a more popular form of my name. It still isn’t my name.
What’s worse is when people spin their own nicknames for me — Chrissy, Christy, Chris — these are not my names. Christine may be an inadequate answer to, “Who am I?” but these aren’t even an adequate answer to, “What are you called?”
This isn’t about formality. It isn’t about snobbery. It’s just about my name. Actually, I don’t respond well to “Ms. Amsden” either, although it works just fine in a formal letter or review. When I see it, there is an extra split-second in which I have to remind myself that the writer is talking about me. 🙂
Why is Christine my name? Why don’t I just decide to go by a nickname? I have no better answer than because my parents named me Christine, they called me Christine, and I have never had a reason to question their naming. Some people, for one reason or another, are called to become their own namers, either because the name their parents chose never suited them, or else because they went through a significant transition and no longer feel connected to their childhood names. This isn’t true for me. I am not the same person I was as a child, but the name has followed me through each gradual shift that brought me smoothly from who I was, to who I am.
So, please, call me Christine. It may be just a name to you, but to me, it is a link to my self.